It’s the kind of loneliness where I don’t even want to talk about it; no good will come from bitching, and the only thing I could get from a sincere expression of how I feel to someone would be (typically) either pity or sympathy, and (since pity is out of the question…) sympathy doesn’t quite solve the problem.

Am I craving intimacy because I subconsciously can’t handle being alone and therefore go about pursuing intimacy escapistly? to fill up the gap with others because I can’t myself, for myself, by myself? Is what’s missing not something I could find in others, but self love (and not narcissism or vanity) and serenity? How does this relate to what I’ve decided is my sexuality? Am I truly polyamorous by nature or simply out of need?

Is companionship, love and intimacy out of need — no matter how genuine and selfless it is? (if anything, the selflessness of it all could be seen as escapist…) Is there such thing as an emotionally self-sufficient being who can still maintain and deeply value these things if it’s not out of some need of their own?

is it human nature, or is it me?